Mutually Assured Annihilation

This is a ska/pop-punk/screamo concept album I've been writing lyrics for, it's not done yet. A few of the tracks take from some of the poems I've written in the past to varying degrees, though they've been altered to fit the story and characters better, and there's a lot of new material. The title is a combination of mutually assured destruction and annihilation.

Track 1: Suicide Note

When the paramedics enter the home
I'm lying half-dead on the mattress
Entirely nude if not for the myriad of bandages
And belts and duct tape wrapping my body
To cover up when I tried to cut out all the things that
Forever plague my being

Post-It notes and papers line
Every inch of the walls
While medicine capsules litter the floor
But all of them are empty
Empty

There are no words in my brain to put down on the paper
For there are no words to express
And there are no expressions to bother forming into words
It just helps me feel like
I've fallen further off the deep end

Because that's what I want
To fall further off the deep end
Because then there's an excuse for me
To no longer try
An excuse to let someone else hold me
And attempt to make everything alright

Because maybe then I can lie on a mattress
Drenched in sweat and stained with excrement
While I wait for someone else to drag me off
And hook up wires to my head to figure out

Why I hate my body
Why I hate my brain
Why I'm slowly going insane
But all they'll find is a puddle of leeches
Devoured from the inside out by a million maggots

So pull me off this mattress
Sweep the floors and throw me in the tub
Wash these coats of sorrow off my body
And hold my head under so I can finally be
Unburdened and free

Track 2: What You Need

I count each time your glasses slide
You push them back up seventeen times
Orange hair, pale skin, fluorescent lights
I see you in totality

I've been watching since the day that you arrived
I know it, I just know, you're the only one I need
Let me throw you in the water, hold your head under
Together we'll be unburdened and free

I will find you in every single corner
I will learn the rhythm of your breathing while you sleep
Rapid eye movement, I'm in your every dream
And I will always be the one you need

I know your every move, mapped out your schedule
Memorized the permutations of your fidgeting
Dug through the trash, I know what you eat
I love what you like and I hate what feels faint

As your wife, I'll be dutiful
Because you, my love, are beautiful
The conversations we'll have, the laughs that we'll share
I rehearse them every single day
I'll feed you my guts, dependent on me
You'll never forget me

I will find you in every single corner
I will learn the rhythm of your breathing while you sleep
Rapid eye movement, I'm in your every dream
And I will always be the one you need

I don't need permission to stay this close
Whenever you tremble, I'll hold you still
You'll never walk alone again, I'll never let you

I will find you in every fucking corner
I will learn the rhythm of your breathing while you sleep
Rapid eye movement, I'm in your fucking dreams
And I will always be the one you need

Oh-oh-oh oh-oh-oh
Oh-oh-oh
Always
Oh-oh-oh oh-oh-oh
Oh-oh-oh
Always
Oh-oh
Oh-oh
Oh-oh
Always
Oh-oh
Oh-oh
Oh-oh
Always
Oh-oh
Oh-oh
Oh-oh
Always
Oh-oh
Oh-oh
Oh-oh
Always

Track 3: In the Ward (Mutually Assured Annihilation)

Warm, pink, pulsating, soft
An ever-growing pillowy blob
Absorbing every inch of my being
Comfortable and yet my heart is racing

I think I'm in love
I think I'm in love

Three days since I entered the ward
Three days that I've felt her gaze

From the day that she sat next to me
I knew that she'd been watching me
Closer every day, increasing proximity
Questions asked like she knows every answer

Disturbing, scary, is what it should be
Devoted, loving, is all I can see

[Instrumental Break]

Call me delusional, say it can't be
But I think that she sees what no one else sees
Group is alright, it makes me okay
But I think that she sees what no one else sees
Call me delusional, say it can't be
But I think that she sees what no one else sees (I think I'm in love)

From the day that she sat next to me
I knew that she'd been watching me
Closer every day, increasing proximity
Questions asked like she knows every answer

Disturbing, scary, is what it should be
Devoted, loving, is all I can see
Disturbing, scary, is what it should be
Devoted, loving, is all I can see

I think I'm in love
I think I'm in love

Track 4: Insect Iris Acid Eternity (First Kiss)

She makes me feel like
Insect iris acid eternity
Insect iris acid eternity

Take my tongue inside of you, swallow me whole
Kiss me, hold me, with eyes wide open

Make me feel like
Insect iris acid eternity
Insect iris-
Vivid, veil, love and surrender
Vivid, veil, love and surrender

Notebooks scattered across the table
Pictures drawn on top of pictures
Colored markers all we have
You are the one I desire to drown in
Insect iris acid eternity
Insect iris acid eternity

Never felt this way before
About, above, across, along
You are the one I desire to drown in
About, above, across, along
You are the one I desire to drown in

You are the one-
You are the one-
You are the one I desire to drown in

[Guitar Solo]

You are the one I desire to drown in

Track 5: Interlude I

[Piano Solo followed by Sick-Ass Hardcore Breakdown]

Track 6: Painful, My Love

There's a dead bird under my desk
Three dead dogs next to the bed
My roommate isn't eating again
And nothing feels real

Messy artwork lines
Every inch of my desk
While dirty clothes litter the floor
Three days since she left the ward
Three days that I've lived in hell

Is it painful, my love?
To be without my watchful gaze?
Is it painful, my love?
To be beyond my vicinity?

I admire the way I scratched at your arm
You told the nurse you did it yourself
I hoped that you would stay
I hoped to make you stay

I'm lost without your hands
I'm lost without your head
I need to feel your love
I need to fill your lungs

Is it painful, my love?
To be without my watchful gaze?
Is it painful, my love?
To be beyond my vicinity?

[Instrumental Break]

I'll be out soon
You'll pick me up
I'll take your skin
You'll take my blood

Track 7: Cover (First Date)

In the car, I just can't wait
To pick you up on our very first date
Is it cool if I hold your hand?
Is it wrong if I think it's lame to dance?
Do you like my stupid hair?
Would you guess that I didn't know what to wear?
I'm just scared of what you think
You make me nervous, so I really can't eat

She said let's go, don't wait
This night's almost over
She said honest, let's make
This night last forever
Forever and ever
Let's make this last forever
Forever and ever
Let's make this last forever

When you smile, I melt inside
I'm not worthy for a minute of your time
I really wish it was only me and you
I'm jealous of everybody in the room
Please don't look at me with those eyes
Please don't hint that you're capable of lies

She said let's go, don't wait
This night's almost over
She said honest, let's make
This night last forever
Forever and ever
Let's make this last forever
Forever and ever
Let's make this last forever

[Instrumental Break]

I said let's go, don't wait
This night's almost over
I said honest, let's make
This night last forever
Forever and ever
Let's make this last forever
Forever and ever
Let's make this last forever
Forever and ever
Forever and ever
Forever and ever
Let's make this last forever
Forever and ever
Let's make this last forever

Forever and ever, let's make this last
Forever

Possible Closing Track?: Eulogy

I remember the day I found you dead on the floor
No life in your eyes, no breathing, no more
I didn't scream, I didn't cry, I didn't say a single thing
You were a light that was fading away

I had watched you die for a hundred days
I tried to show you color but my world was gray
You were stuck and I was sick
And we were sinking in the mud
When I tried to pull you out
I found I couldn't see above

And I'm sorry
And I love you
But sometimes I worry
That the knife was in my hands

And I'm sorry
And I love you
The knife was in my hands